It's That Awesome Time of Year Again!

Just kidding--it's not, really. Ha HA!

Good gravy (notice how timely that expletive is), it is nearly Thanksgiving. I can't believe I've withheld ridiculous customer service stories since August. Well, no time for that now! It's turkey time, and you know what that means. People are starting to fall off of their fucking nut.

Last night, a customer got rabid with one of my associates because the blue cheese she had him custom cut didn't have enough mold in it. Hey, take it or leave it, lady. He didn't do anything to the cheese, he didn't make the cheese, so I'm not sure what you think yelling at him is going to do for the cheese. I thought the wheel of Valdeon was one of the best looking, best tasting wheels we've seen in literally YEARS. Supple, luscious, creamy. I guess she'd grown to love the rank, dried out crud we're usually stuck with most of the year.

Just before I clocked out, I answered a phone call from an elderly lady. She was terribly sweet, and patient, but holy moly, I thought just keeping the old folks off of the road was enough. Silly me forgot that if you can't drive no more, the only thing left to fill the time is to call the local market and ask the same questions 50 different ways, each.

Old Lady: Hello, could you tell me what Thanksgiving service you'll have next week?
Me: Do you want to know what food we'll have on our hot bar? On Thanksgiving?
Old Lady: Yes, for take out. How much will that be?
Me: We do have seating inside the store, if you'd like. On Thanksgiving, we'll have various Thanksgiving type dishes on our hot bar. It will be for the same price as every other day, $7.99/lb. Have you been to our store before?
OL: Oh, yes. We eat at the salad bar sometimes.
Me: OK, well then you know we have the hot bar too, right? We'll have the usual Thanksgiving items, like turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, etc. I don't know exactly what will be available, but we should have the bases covered.
OL: Will there be vegetables?
Me: Yes.
OL: And turkey?
Me: Yes. I'm not sure if we'll have dark meat, but there will be sliced turkey breast.
OL: There won't be turkey?
Me: Uh, yes. We will have turkey on the hot bar. There will NOT be a turkey carving station, so in all likelihood, the turkey will be limited to sliced boneless breast.
OL: Will there be green beans?
Me: ...most likely..?
OL: And how much is that?
Me: The hot bar is $7.99/lb.
OL: How much is it for 2 people?
Me: That depends on how much food you choose to take.
OL: No, how much is your 2 person turkey dinner for take out?
Me: That is $29.99, but the turkey will need to be cooked by you when you get home. It is a raw turkey that is included in that setup. It is not the same as our hot bar take out.
OL: OK...thank you.

Now, she was perfectly nice, as I said earlier. What makes this call particularly fantastic is that about 5 minutes earlier, I'm pretty sure her husband called and interrogated one of my co workers using the same questions. I could hear him prompting his wife over the phone during my turn. After I got off of the phone, my co worker told me that the (probably) husband? Had called her two separate times in the last 30 minutes, like it was a quiz and she might have changed her answer. For Pete's sake, people: we don't want to fuck with you, WE WANT YOUR MONEY. You don't get repeat business by effing around!