Observe the @sshole in a retail habitat

We have a self serve coffee station in the store. There are 4 steaming hot urns of coffee going at any given time. Today, this happened:

Customer: Excuse me, you're out of ______ coffee. Is there more?
Coffee bar guy: It's almost done brewing. I'll get this empty urn out of the way.

CBG reaches over the counter and lifts the urn. Unfortunately for him, Customer had left his half-full cup of steaming hot coffee on the spill guard of the urn. As CBG brought the urn and the unseen hot cup of coffee towards himself, the cup tipped and drenched CBG with very hot coffee. CBG did sustain very minor burns from this, and his shirt and jeans were drenched. He had to go home to change. But CBG told me, that wasn't the worst of the whole deal. This was:

Customer: That looks like it hurts. Is the other coffee ready yet?



I wish I was embellishing. What in the hell is wrong with people?

I don't even want to know.

This past Thursday afternoon, two women were shopping with an inflatable doll. I am not kidding. They asked me for cheese assistance. They were a little too proud of their shopping venture, I guess is the best way to put it, to believe they were serious (about the doll, not the cheese.) If I weren't so deft at the eyerolling, I might have asked them WTF was up. But, as we all know, sometimes attention only encourages people like this.

Later, I found out that one of the hippies that works on another team asked them WTF was going on. They didn't say, but they said the doll's name was Flossie, and that the hippie was welcome to shake "her" hand. I'm going with: they are psych students over at one of the universities doing some kind of paper. My alternate: they're going the cheap route before committing to spending thousands on a bona-fide Real Doll. I kind of hope it's the latter.

True Story...

Customer: Do you sell raw goat's milk?
Me: No. It's not legal in this state.
Customer: So I'd have to have my own goat to get some?
Me: Well, yes, that's one way. You could find a farm that would be willing to sell it to you labelled as "pet food." It's sort of a loophole that some farms have found.
Customers: Oh, but that's what it's for.
Me: What?
Customer: I need it for pet food. I have six cats...
Me: No...kidding?
Customer: Yes, there was an article in Natural Cat magazine that said that raw goat's milk has all the vitamins and minerals that cats need. I have six cats...
Me: Uh. Well. The only place I know that sells raw milk to individuals is a place called Organic Pastures out in California. They only sell cow's milk, though, and it's like $8/gal plus shipping. They label it as pet food so they aren't breaking the law.
Customer: Maybe they have goat's milk.
Me: ...maybe. Have you considered maybe giving the cats some other kind of supplements or diet that will accomplish the same thing? I mean, I'm not sure what it is about cow's milk that makes it not good for cats, but it's possible that quality is shared with goat's milk. Plus, by the time you spend the money and time trying to procure raw goat's milk, it might be less expensive to get the cats what they need in another way.
Customer: Oh. I suppose so? But the article said...
Me: Yeah...but I mean, when do adult cats drink milk in nature? I mean, if you're going to go all natural with the cats' diet, maybe milk isn't the way to go, right?
Customer: *brain freeze*


Lord. "Natural Cat" magazine? Is that a real thing? I weep for society.