Are you kidding me?

#1. As soon as we opened this morning, I was summoned to maintain visual contact with a woman in SpongeBob SquarePants scrubs who was seen stuffing bottles of vitamins into her large purse. She knew she was being watched, eventually, but instead of the two normal responses to being observed* she continued to shop in a most erratic way for 30 more minutes. Bizarre. Also, just because your pediatric nurse/dental assistant wears cute scrubs, does not mean she is not a huge but inept thief.

#2 Just before lunch, I was called to Customer Service about a customer with a "credit card fraud" issue. Customer claims to have been double billed on his credit card from lunch on Friday. It's certainly within the realm of possibility, and I was all ready to investigate further, but...he didn't bother to bring in the receipt OR the credit card statement. OK, seriously? What can I do without either of those things? At least bring in the statement--with a little time and the credit card #, we can search for the transaction and get a new copy of the receipt. But to just walk into a store and claim to be overcharged..? Maybe I ought to try that some time. "I bought tires here but I was charged an extra $300. What are you going to do about it?" That's it! That's my elusive step 2!

#3 After lunch, I was asked to observe another customer. She was witnessed stuffing two large cookies into her purse. OK, Customer Service, how will I know which woman to follow? Oh, the one assisted by an OXYGEN TANK, of course, of course. *sigh* I found her sitting in our cafe, eating a plate lunch.

Me: Hello.
O2: Why, hello. Is my cart blocking the way too much?
Me: What? No. No, it's fine. I was going to ask you something else.
O2: What, dear?
Me: Do...you have a receipt for your lunch?
O2: Why yes, I do. (shows me a valid receipt)
Me: You were seen putting cookies into your purse. They're not on the receipt...
O2: Oh, these? (pulls out a bag of two cookies) I was going to pay for them after lunch.
Me: I see. I should tell you that in this state, concealment is shoplifting. You have shoplifted.
O2: Oh, my. I had gone through the line and paid for my lunch, but then changed my mind on the cookies. I had been waiting for a table to open up, so I took one as soon as I saw it. But I was going to pay for the cookies after I ate this.
Me: But this area is beyond the registers. It's not OK to take things you haven't paid for beyond the registers. Or to hide them in your purse.
O2: Oh, OK. I will pay for them.
Me: ...
O2: What, now?
Me: *sigh* That would be ideal.
O2: ...would you pay for them for me?
Me: No.

Of course, when I related the story later to other people at work, I told them that I had pinched her oxygen tube until she agreed to pay. I have to keep up my reputation, you see.

*
1. Confront the observer by yelling that you're being falsely accused (even though nobody has said a thing.)

2. Move quickly, ditch the stuff you were trying to steal, and leave the premises without making any purchases at all.

Stupidity is not a valid defense.

Yesterday, I had to deal with a woman who wanted to return 4 small dead plants for a refund, with no receipt. She claimed that the plants had just up and died.

It had been over 100F for the previous week, and the plants looked suspiciously dry. She claimed she had watered them twice a day, along with her other plants that were all flourishing--and that these 4 were only dry because once they looked dead to her, she had put them in a plastic bag outside. Upon further conversation, she told me that she wasn't completely sure that she had bought the plants at my store; AND that she had kept these small, 4" potted plants in a southeastern exposure: in other words, in full sun. Because the tag on the plants said they liked full sun.

Well, yes. They like full sun when they are larger and planted and not in tiny, tiny plastic pots that dry out in an hour. Young plants should not be in full sun in 100F heat. The customer was shocked to hear this. I was shocked that it wasn't common sense, especially for someone older than me. She still insisted on a refund.

I looked closer at the plants. Two of them were still alive, but heat stressed. The customer was also surprised to learn that when a plant still is fleshy and green at the stems/branches, it's still alive. It would take some good care, but the plant might survive. Still, she wanted a refund.

Then the person working the customer service desk turned to this same customer and handed back a jar of black bean dip. It seems that it wasn't in our system--which means it did not come from our store...or any store of ours in the multi-state region. I'm sorry, but it has always boggled my mind when people who are so particular and have the highest of standards, can't seem to be particular about where they return their products. AT LEAST REMEMBER WHERE YOU BOUGHT YOUR STUFF before you try to return it. I don't think it is unreasonable for me to point out that this is fraud. This customer actually got annoyed at me for refusing to refund her money on a product we don't. even. carry. The hell? She turned the subject back to the plants. "So you're not going to give me a refund?" No. Hell no. No receipt, no care taken for them...stupidity is not a valid defense when you are returning products for refund. And all you get when you then let loose with "This place has CHANGED" and "I mean it, you all have changed" and "I'll just take them back to your other store, they'll give me my money back" and "I'll be taking all of my business to that store from now on, too" is a small crowd of people looking at you like you're off your nut. Don't make a scene. Accept that you got caught lying and move on quietly.

*sigh*

Sometimes you break things, or ruin them. Life sucks that way. It must suck that your parents or guardians didn't teach you to take responsibility for your actions. It really sucks that you're OK with blaming other people and entities for your mistakes. You're making the world a very crappy place for the rest of us, and I wish you would stop it.