I Do Not Care For Infotainment

So, I'm watching the CBS Early Show this morning. Well, "watching" is probably not really what is happening: I have a bad habit of turning on the television when I'm in the living room, even if I'm really reading email, or making breakfast in the kitchen, or doing laundry. So, the tv is on.

I kind of can't wait for the local stations to turn off their analog signals. I don't have any converter boxes.

Anyway, my attention was grabbed this morning by the CBS Early Show. They had a nutritionist type on and she was analyzing the co-hosts' lunches for dietary value. This is what went on between the female host and the dietician impersonator:

Host: So, how did I do?
D: You both did very well, you're both hydrating sufficiently, I like it.
Host: Really? Sometimes I feel like I eat too much lean protein and raw vegetables and I don't get enough carbs.
D: I think the whole wheat bread in your sandwich is enough, you're OK. I would maybe watch the smoked turkey, because it's smoked...
Host: Oh, I don't usually eat smoked turkey, it's just what came home from the store this week. Usually we have peppered turkey, or turkey pastrami...

Uh, yeah, lady? I know what brand of deli meat you're talking about. And that brand? The peppered turkey is SMOKED. You're a dumbass for not being able to taste it, and also you're a dumbass for not being able to PUT BLACK PEPPER ON YOUR SANDWICH YOURSELF. I will never understand the peppered turkey phenomenon. I like black pepper on turkey sandwiches just as much as the next person, but I do it myself. I mean, wtf, people?

But then the dietician person pointed out that most deli meats are high in sodium, so I'm sure that female host will be yelling at her personal assistant later this morning anyway. Lord.

Observe the @sshole in a retail habitat

We have a self serve coffee station in the store. There are 4 steaming hot urns of coffee going at any given time. Today, this happened:

Customer: Excuse me, you're out of ______ coffee. Is there more?
Coffee bar guy: It's almost done brewing. I'll get this empty urn out of the way.

CBG reaches over the counter and lifts the urn. Unfortunately for him, Customer had left his half-full cup of steaming hot coffee on the spill guard of the urn. As CBG brought the urn and the unseen hot cup of coffee towards himself, the cup tipped and drenched CBG with very hot coffee. CBG did sustain very minor burns from this, and his shirt and jeans were drenched. He had to go home to change. But CBG told me, that wasn't the worst of the whole deal. This was:

Customer: That looks like it hurts. Is the other coffee ready yet?



I wish I was embellishing. What in the hell is wrong with people?

I don't even want to know.

This past Thursday afternoon, two women were shopping with an inflatable doll. I am not kidding. They asked me for cheese assistance. They were a little too proud of their shopping venture, I guess is the best way to put it, to believe they were serious (about the doll, not the cheese.) If I weren't so deft at the eyerolling, I might have asked them WTF was up. But, as we all know, sometimes attention only encourages people like this.

Later, I found out that one of the hippies that works on another team asked them WTF was going on. They didn't say, but they said the doll's name was Flossie, and that the hippie was welcome to shake "her" hand. I'm going with: they are psych students over at one of the universities doing some kind of paper. My alternate: they're going the cheap route before committing to spending thousands on a bona-fide Real Doll. I kind of hope it's the latter.

True Story...

Customer: Do you sell raw goat's milk?
Me: No. It's not legal in this state.
Customer: So I'd have to have my own goat to get some?
Me: Well, yes, that's one way. You could find a farm that would be willing to sell it to you labelled as "pet food." It's sort of a loophole that some farms have found.
Customers: Oh, but that's what it's for.
Me: What?
Customer: I need it for pet food. I have six cats...
Me: No...kidding?
Customer: Yes, there was an article in Natural Cat magazine that said that raw goat's milk has all the vitamins and minerals that cats need. I have six cats...
Me: Uh. Well. The only place I know that sells raw milk to individuals is a place called Organic Pastures out in California. They only sell cow's milk, though, and it's like $8/gal plus shipping. They label it as pet food so they aren't breaking the law.
Customer: Maybe they have goat's milk.
Me: ...maybe. Have you considered maybe giving the cats some other kind of supplements or diet that will accomplish the same thing? I mean, I'm not sure what it is about cow's milk that makes it not good for cats, but it's possible that quality is shared with goat's milk. Plus, by the time you spend the money and time trying to procure raw goat's milk, it might be less expensive to get the cats what they need in another way.
Customer: Oh. I suppose so? But the article said...
Me: Yeah...but I mean, when do adult cats drink milk in nature? I mean, if you're going to go all natural with the cats' diet, maybe milk isn't the way to go, right?
Customer: *brain freeze*


Lord. "Natural Cat" magazine? Is that a real thing? I weep for society.

An Update on the Angry Beer Customer from a Previous Post

Most of the update is actually in the comments section of that post, but here is the icing: since the original post, I found out definitively from Coors that this beer has not been brewed since 2001. Yes, that's right, Angry Beer Customer was completely lying. He did not buy it at our NYC locations, he did not have it on draught anywhere IN THE WORLD since 2001, because COORS BOUGHT THE LABEL AND DISCONTINUED IT. The last cans were sold sometime in 2002, when the supply was depleted from beer warehouses in this country. They felt it would compete too much with the other "Irish" label they own: Killian's. The Caffrey's label was part of a multi-label buyout of/from another global beer importer/distributor/brewing group. It's a mean thing to do, but it happens. This is why you should stop supporting the global beer system and buy local...until the local guys get so big they attract the global beer companies and get bought out. Then it's time to find another local to attach yourself to, and repeat. Or you know, pick up some rudimentary chemistry skills and brew your own fecking beer.

There's talk that supposedly you can still find it in Canada, but I am not driving up there to find out because there is far too much tasty beer closer to home.

For Real

I have been WHAT?*sigh*ing so much lately, I haven't had any desire to post why. Well, after my neighbors went out of their way to help me out this week, the suction broke. I now return you to your regularly scheduled programming:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080721/ap_on_re_us/fire_standoff_5

Firefighter killed in St. Louis-area standoff

By CHERYL WITTENAUER, Associated Press Writer 51 minutes ago

MAPLEWOOD, Mo. - A gunman shot at firefighters responding to a report of a burning pickup truck early Monday, killing one, then opened fire on other emergency workers, wounding two.

The incident began at 5:40 a.m. with a report of a pickup truck fire in Maplewood, a suburban town just southwest of St. Louis. When firefighters arrived, someone began firing shots.

St. Mary's Hospital spokesman Eric Clark said a firefighter/paramedic from Maplewood was killed. The city identified him as 22-year-old Ryan Hummert. Officials said he was shot to death as he got off the fire truck.

Hummert, the son of former Maplewood Mayor Andy Hummert, began his career in August 2007 after graduating from paramedic training. He graduated from the St. Louis County Fire Academy in March.

"He had been with the fire department for only 10 months but knew it was his calling," Fire Chief Terry Merrell said at a brief news conference as he fought back tears. "It's impossible to say in words the emotion and pain we are feeling right now."

A Maplewood police officer also was taken to St. Mary's Hospital, where he was being treated for a gunshot wound to the right shoulder. Clark said his injury was not considered life-threatening.

The third injured emergency worker was taken to another hospital. There was no immediate word on his condition.

Besides the burning truck, a house across the street was on fire. The suspect was believed to be inside the house. Dozens of police officers from Maplewood and nearby communities surrounded the brick bungalow, pointing their rifles at the home as smoke poured from it.

Around 10:30 a.m., the fire suddenly intensified and loud popping sounds could be heard, neighbor Lamira Martin told KSDK-TV.

"Oh my God, the windows are blowing out," Martin told the TV station.

Sanyoz Rai, who works at a 7-Eleven store nearby, said he heard three or four shots at around 5:45 a.m., then saw a police officer go to the ground holding his shoulder. Rai said he then saw a firefighter on the ground behind the truck. He said the firefighter remained there for an hour before authorities could get close enough to remove him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Utterly insane.

Since I've Got Beer on My Mind Tonight

I would like to address all of the beer geeks out there that pooh-pooh green and clear glass bottles. "Light destroys beer!"

OK, campers, huddle in close. I'm going to tell you a secret.

Beer comes packed in windowless cardboard boxes. And those boxes come in windowless box vans and trailer trucks. And they are stored in climate and light-controlled warehouses. The first time those bottles are exposed to light is when the cases are cracked open and the bottles are put on display in the store. How long do the lights stay on? How much time does it take your store to turn over (sell) their beer? These are the real questions you need to ask. Don't buy beer from a shop that displays it in direct sunlight. Yes, I've seen that. If you do, don't buy it, don't support their stupidity. Don't buy beer from shops that have dusty bottles. Dust is quaint in a wine cellar, but it has no place in a retail environment.

So the next time someone turns their nose up at a green glass or clear glass beer that you may be enjoying, just nod and smile.